'Under the Eyes of God'

If you're new here, start here as Thomas Merton helps me wrestle through the question, "Who will even read this?!"

Hello Reader,

I suppose before I get to the majority of what I will write about in this publication, I should explain what I’m doing here. That starts with the name, "Under the Eyes of God”.

First, A Little Context

I am extremely passionate about the content that will be published here: the practice of worship, theology, and their significance for the church and culture. I love the church deeply, yet I find there is often a disconnect between what She is doing and whom She is called to be. So I find the need to submit my thoughts in writing and perhaps in some small way, help illuminate how The Spirit is guiding the church in 21st Century America.

However, I have a love-hate relationship with writing. I write so that I can see the world more coherently and be helpful. Yet, when I sit to write, I find my thoughts bombarded with doubts and questions like, “Who will even read this!?” (Please note, reader, I’m not trying to garner sympathy but to explain how I got here). In my inundation with imposter syndrome, it is as if there were some imaginary bar that I’m trying to jump over that qualifies me to write publicly, a lie inside my head warning me, to tread lightly because I do not know what I am talking about.

This has generally been the primary enemy of my writing in any capacity and leads me to the reason I write under the name “Under the Eyes of God.”

Permission To Write

Several years ago, I began reading The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. The introduction, written by one of Merton’s friends, quotes the prolific and influential monk with words that stunned me:

“I don’t know what audience I might have been thinking of, I suppose I put down what was in me, under the eyes of God, who knows what is in me.”

This quote gave me startling clarity when it comes to writing in two ways:

First, and more generally, the God who has charged all of creation’s existence has put in each human, desires which lead one towards wonder, if (and only if) we are willing to pay attention. That I am to write “under the eyes of God,” means I am willing to pay attention to the wonder and desire with which the creator has uniquely instilled in my humanity. Writing from this posture means I do not need to concern myself primarily with who will read this, but what is in me. Of course, I am not saying that considering my audience is unimportant, but that it is not primarily the source of my writing. If it was, I wouldn’t be here writing now! Does any writer wait until they have an audience to begin the pursuit? Of course not. Then no one would write!

Which leads me to the second and more personal observation in Merton’s statement. I was struck that he did not start writing aiming to solve a particular issue, or influence a certain audience. Rather, had a sense that the thoughts in him were for more than himself, and he trusted God with the outcome. Another way to say this is, I believe there is an audience that will find this helpful. Perhaps I have not met them yet or you, reader, are part of that audience, simply waiting for me to “put down what is in me. under the eyes of God.”

What Lies Ahead

So what is in me? As I mentioned before, my passion has always been worship. First as a worship leader and now as a pastor, I am constantly curious to know if our forms of worship in evangelical and charismatic spaces are helping or hindering our formation to Jesus. How does this affect how we live as the church? How does this affect how we interact with culture? How do the theological and liturgical practices of the church affect our witness in the culture?

I could go on.

If these questions interest you, I’m so glad you are here! I’d be honored if you would subscribe if you haven’t already and share this substack with a friend who might find it helpful.